My name is Debbie Hodnett and Gerald M Dean was a very dear friend of mine.
Last week I found out my friend, Gerald, died on August 25, 2008.
I found out by chance. A friend of his went to an old email and set a note to those of us who didn't work directly with him (Thanks Gloria) and thus wouldn't have gotten notification. You know those emails, the ones with random jokes that made you laugh out load at your desk at work.
I too went back though old emails and compiled a list of email addresses and started sending out notifications to all who may not have heard. As I sit and read the notice of services being prepared for my friend I am not compelled to attend. I have no unfinished business to make peace with. But I do want to celebrate him, Gerald, his life and his love of it and what he shared with his friends. I wanted to share this with the people who I have met and heard about. We, his friends, family, who perhaps have a different and unique experience of Gerald.
It is my hope that friends of Gerald, all around the world (Netherlands, France, Germany, United States) can come here and make a contribution and remember our friend. Tell a great story of how you met, of your last conversation, or tell how he gave you hell about yourself as only Gerald could. In giving you hell he made you accountable and a better person. In sharing this information we can continue to share that love that Gerald gave us all.
I love you Gerald
Debbie
Gerald at Awards Ceremony
Gerald at Awards Ceremony
Gerald and Bobby 2006
Gerald and Bobby 2006
Gerald and friend Virginia Long
Gerald and Carl
Gerald with niece Charlie and Family
Bobby- 2008
pretty happy in "His" Boudiour in our den
Debbie - Blogger
Friend and Adopted Little Sister
19 comments:
Thank you so much Debbie for giving us a place to remember and share.
I met Gerald when I returned to work after being on maternity leave.
As an American living and working in Europe you can feel detached, and quite frankly lonely, without your extended family around. It’s hard to retain friends since the people you meet relocate so often. Gerald was different; he spent twelve years in Germany.
After meeting Gerald it didn’t take long for us to become friends - for him to feel like the brother I never had, or to become Uncle Gerald to my son who is now 21-years old. He and my husband played music together; he was there for holiday meals. We cooked together, shopped together (most often with Gerald rushing me and making some outlandish comment that left the salesperson stunned and me mad –for about five-minutes.) Gerald welcomed me into his world as well.
Once he started to move about again, his various addresses took up pages in my phone book, but we always stayed in touch. Gerald assisted me in so many ways. He not only helped me to make important employment decision and career moves, he was there when I had to relocate without my family for one year. I knew no one in the city my job sent me to. The nearly three-hour drive to Gerald’s place was a welcome destination on many Friday afternoons.
Gerald was a great cook and a really fun person to pal around with -if you could withstand his stinging comments. He was never one to hold back on telling you what you needed to know. I will miss my friend; miss those wonderful emails and his sarcastic humor.
The most frequent comments I’ve read about Gerald’s death in Hawaii addresses the issue of his having died alone without friends or family around. I spoke with Gerald often during his year in Hawaii. What I’ve come to realize is that Gerald died the way he lived his life, that being, the way he damn well pleased.
Gloria
Thank you , Debbie, I believe that you and I met briefly during one of my visits to Gerald in Alexandria. He talked of you often.
I met Gerald in 1982 when he was working at the San Francisco Presidio. I was at a neighbor's birthday party, in the kitchen, when I heard a ruckus in the living room as a new guest arrived. After a few moments of noise I thought to my self "Who is this obnoxious person?" Then this obnoxious person stormed into the kitchen and introduced himself. It was Gerald Mckinley Dean. We would be friends for the next 25 years.
About 6 months after we met he transferred to Germany. I visited him there at least 3 times and traveled with him to Berlin, Paris and Ireland. Without knowing Gerald I don't think this white boy would ever have gotten into touch with his white European roots. Gerald even lent me his car so I could make a snowy trip across the Iron Curtain to try to find family in Bohemia.
He introduced me to his many German friends and they brought me and Gerald into their homes for parties, etc. Gerald saw the world as something to conquer. I was amazed by how quickly Gerald developed a circle of friends of all ages, genders, nationalities and orientations. He was a proud black man who carried the torch into some of the whitest parts of the world. Since then, when I've found myself in similar-but reversed- situations, I've told myself that if Gerald could do it, so can I. So I did.
Gerald was a bigger than life person, as they say. Yes, he could be annoying and sometimes frustrating, but hey, who isn't?
Thank you, dear Gerald, for changing my life. You will be with me forever.
Jon Merkle joncmerkle@aol.com
Note Sent to the Family.....
September 2, 2006
Hi Charlie,
I am a friend of PB Lowry who received your email about Gerald's passing.
Although I am very sad to hear of Gerald's death, I am so grateful to have been privileged to work with him and to become his friend. Gerald and I met and worked together during his employment in Denver. It was friendship - if you will "from first sight". We continued to stay in contact after he left Denver and spoke just a few months ago when he gave us a call from Hawaii.
Gerald often spoke of his mother and sisters and I could tell by the sound of his voice just how much he loved them. He will always remain at the top of my list of gentlemen, mentors and friends.
God Bless!
Teresa Samilton
Denver, CO
Who and Where is Bobby ?
So I am sure all of you know who Bobby is. Bobby is the energetic black standard poodle Gerald adopted. I am really not the fond of dogs and so I have to admit Bobby didn't help. Why, because for some reason I became jealous of a dog. When Gerald adopted Bobby he had someone else to take up some of that precious Gerald time and energy. Ok, we (bobby and I) managed to negotiate time sharing of Gerald in the end....; ).
Bobby is pictured to the right with Gerald (picture #2)
The people who Gerald entrusted (picture #3) to care for Bobby while he adjusted to Hawaii. Once there, he determined that he wouldn't be staying longterm and so the Longs continued custody of Bobby.
Below is a note to the Dean Family from the Longs.......
Friday, August 29, 2008
To the Dean Family,
My name is Virginia Ray. I have been a friend of Gerald for about 30 years. We found each other when living in Salem, Mass. And, we stayed friends throughout the years.
Friend does not quite seem to fit my relationship with Gerald. He was so much more and blessed my life so much with his presence; there should be a better word to describe him. He was so much more than a friend – he was more – he gave presence, and made the people around him better people. He demanded we be better people – so, we did and we did because of him. He would not let us (his friends) be any less than the best we could be.
My husband, Larry, and I went to visit him in Hawaii in May. I am so glad we got to see him, spend some time with him and have a few days to help him. I am sorry we could not do more; however, we did as much as we could. Gerald is not the easiest person to let help HIM. However, he was always the first to come help me if I ever needed it. I did mention that to him when we were there – to deaf ears!!! Yet, he did let us do a few things for him. He was so proud.
I don't know how to begin to tell you how much Gerald Dean influenced my life in a positive way. He made me a better person. He gave me confidence. He supported me and my ideas. He gave unconditional love. He made me a better person – just by knowing him – just by being Gerald and being a part of my life – he made me better!!! You cannot find a better friend than that! The world has lost a wonderful soul. He brought beauty to the world around him and the people that had the opportunity to share his presence.
It so breaks my heart that he had to suffer. It does not seem fair. As always, he demonstrated grace in a time of great pain. He will be in my heart always and will remain a dear friend forever. My life is better because he was a part of it.
I am sorry that we will not be able to attend the funeral, yet we are there in spirit. Please extend our condolences to your family and his friends.
We are caring for Bobby Dean - the poodle.
With sadness in my heart,
Virginia Ray and Larry Long
Scottsdale, AZ 85259
Gerald's Song......
I never had a chance to hear him, but Gerald spoke often of his days performing as a vocalist. Picture #4 to the right is a promotional photo of Gerald and his friend Carl. Carl recalls his those days to his niece Charlie ......
September 2, 2008
Hi, Charlie.
Joey Poirier has forwarded your lovely email about Gerald's passing, and in response to your request for photos, I am attaching a low-resolution jpg of a promotional photo Gerald and I used when we performed as a duo in the Salem area in the 1970's (I was the pianist). I think you'll agree that the photo is unique.
In those days, I learned a lot about life and passion and laughter from Gerald, and fondly recall speaking with him for an hour just before he left for Hawaii. Naturally, he kept his ailments hidden a bit, so it was a jovial and wonderful chat.
I've always told people about him, and characterized him as the only man I ever met who could strut while seated!
Please send my heartfelt condolences to the family and friends...it will be impossible for me to get to St. Louis to observe his farewell.
Fondly,
Carl Zukroff
Thank you Debbie-I met Gerald while I was stationed in Germany and reconnected with him while he was in D.C.; he had a tremendous heart and a fantastic sense of humor...he will be missed.
Veronica
Dearest Gerald, your many friend and your family,
I am so sorry and shocked to understand that Gerald has passed away. I got to know Gerald from a Swedish friend of mine who introduced us in 2001. That was just a couple of months after I had moved to Washington. Gerald really made a big difference, and he made me slowly by slowly come to like the US.
Gerald was always very witty, extremely fun to be with and quick to laugh. He made me understand and like Americans. He was a fantastic cook, and as he was also so generous, me and my husband have enjoyed many outstanding meals and great wine at his house in Alexandria. Gerald was always such good company. In moments when life was tough, he always managed to cheer one up.
Gerald tought us a lot. He introduced us to his lovely friends and his beautiful sister. We celebrated Christmases, New Years and Birtdays together. Gerald introduced us to the Thanks-Giving traditions in the US. He cooked a fantasic turkey and all of a sudden we all held hands and prayed together. I am so thankful that I had the good luck of having such a great friend. I have never met anyone like him, and will never meet such a warm and welcoming person again.
Gerald was also a great gardener and had great ideas for gardening and DIY objects. We used to shop at CostCo and gardening shops. I was always very proud when such a handsome man came to pick me up in his Mustang and later his Mercedes. He made me feel so good and often we laughed so we cried.
He taught me fun American expressions that one cannot find in dictionaries. But he was not always happy when I told him I had practiced my new vocabulary. He taught us about Hickory BBQ, American wine, American Army organization and issues he dealt with. Maybe it was Gerald's many years in Germany and moving around that made him so understandable and gave him the wide perspectives he always brought forward.
We still kept contact after me and my husband moved to Rwanda in 2005. I really wanted that Gerald should visit us. If not in Africa, so at least at our summerhouse in Sweden. Now I sadly know that will never happen. The last time I saw Gerald was in Washington a few months before he moved to Honolulu. He was so happy about his new posting. However, we lost contact somewhere in cyberspace when addresses changed. Last time I heard from him was in January this year.
Gerald was a positive and unique person that will always have his place close to my heart. I want to thank you so much Gerald for the way you were - always so natural and always great fun.
I only learned about Gerald's passing away yesterday. And I do not know what happened - I would be so grateful if anybody could let me know, and also where he is resting now. God bless you.
maude.svensson@gmail.com
Thanks to everyone
I wanted to say thanks to everyone who has found, read this site and made a contribution for others to share in. This has proven to serve the purpose I had envision and more.
To those who have found out about Gerald via this site, I hope that this site provides you comfort knowing how very much Gerald was loved by all whose lives he touched all over the world.
So in reading the last few entries I realized that I hadn't shared my Gerald meeting story...so here it is.
Gerald moved in to the townhouse at the end of my driveway. We had a homeowners meeting that he showed up for. Some discussions, battles were going on and I tried to hold my own..but I am sure my frustration was showing. Gerald and I meet after the meeting and he started asking more questions and as I started to answer he stopped me and asked me if I had cheese to go with my whine. I was done. Who was this guy? I said if he has so much to say he should join the board. He did and continued to give me shit, tell me how to care for my plants, what I should buy at costco, how my house was too organized,etc, etc, etc. But in addition he was one of my greatest supporters. He encourage me during job losses, he encourage me to follow my dreams, he shared his friends with me, he educated me about the rest of the world and sent me on my way to experience that world. He was there for me as I experienced the loss of my mother.
I was privledged to be adopted by this warm and generous man. He was all that I imagine a big brother would be. I miss this man who would show up at my door with fruit. I miss stopping by his house as he tended his garden. I imagine he is doing the same now, making friends and still being our biggest advocates.
I do apologize for taking so long to post but it hasn’t been the easiest to do. To write something about someone you had the most admiration for is extremely difficult when you really can’t believe that such a wonderful person has departed to a better place.
I first heard of Gerald in 1996 when he interviewed me for a position in his office in Germany. He later selected me for the position and in February 1997 I moved from Ohio to Germany to work for him. He met me at the airport and opened his heart and home to me. I made the move initially alone and didn't know anyone in Europe....that soon changed because Gerald knew everyone and everything. He gave me an on-the-run education about Germany, life and culture. It helped me tremendously! Later my family joined me and we all became very close friends. He would have dinner at our home and we joined him on many occasions at his and out in the city.
We worked for a couple of years in Germany and he decided it was time to move on. He departed Germany headed for Columbus, Ohio, a city where I worked prior to coming to Germany. We kept in contact through all of his assignments and one day we were emailing and I mentioned that my time was coming to an end in Germany and was contemplating a return to the States. He excitedly told me he had a position and would love for me to join his team. I accepted and returned to Alexandria. We worked together until he departed for Hawaii. Soon after, I returned to Germany but kept in contact. We were both looking forward to a visit because he truly loved the European culture. I spoke to him a few weeks before his home going and he was upbeat and told me not to worry he would be okay. Of course he was not but he was not being truthful but that was Gerald…he never wanted you to worry about him.
I do fondly remember his kind heart, sharing ways, humorous laugh. He had a way of putting you at ease whenever you were in his presence. I will miss those lively conversations and words of encouragement and of course the emails.
He was a true friend and I will truly miss him!
Bennie …cgsome@hotmail.com
As we approach Gerald's birthday and the first anniversary of his passing, I am moved to write a few words about my dear friend, who I still miss him terribly.
I met Gerald in January 2004, when he became my supervisor while working at the Defense Logistics Agency at Fort Belvior, Virginia. After he learned that I "had his back" in the office, I soon realized that he also had mine. We enjoyed a great working relationship; and when he left DLA, we became the best of friends.
When Gerald moved to Hawaii, we still talked by phone at least twice a week and sent e-mails to each other almost daily, until his last few months. I can still hear his infectious laughter, and I often think of the pep talks and words of wisdom he would share with me.
Before Gerald left for Hawaii, he gave me several of his indoor and outdoor plants. Although I don't have a green thumb, I am doing my best to keep the plants thriving. He insisted I take his favorite outdoor plant. Unfortunately, it withered away around the same time as Gerald's passing. Perhaps he wanted to take his favorite plant with him for the journey. On the other hand, the hibiscus he gave me is simply gorgeous right now. I bring it inside during the winter, following his instructions to the letter on how to care for it. Knowing how much he loved plants, I think he would be proud, but not nearly as proud and happy as I am to have known him. May Gerald's spirit continue to bloom in his family and friends who miss and love him dearly.
Gerald knew that I loved him and cherished our relationship. His memory will forever be with me. I count my blessings twice for having known him.
Camellia Curtis
Virginia
Dearest F.O.G ( Friends of Gerald)
This is the one year anniversary of Gerald's transition. It is still so hard to think of him in the past tense...he is so much bigger than life!
I am Pamela his youngest sister (babycakes), I am sure he had a pet name or phrase for each of you also, that made us special in his heart. I was hard pressed on how to acknowledge his birthday and one year anniversary, so I wrote down my favorite attributes of him and released balloons for each attribute. I found the biggest American Flag ever and released them near there. ( Once again bigger than life )
Gerald was a DOER so I had to DO something.
I bet each of you did SOMETHING also, why not share it...
Hugs and kisses to Debbie for presenting this blog space for us.
My life is richer because Gerald was in it. I value frienships and love deeply and live to the eleventh power. Now my life is richer because we each share a part of him also.
Peace and blessings to you all...
" excuse me while I kiss the sky"
Pam and family
To Anonymous who posted yesterday at August 25, 2009 5:27 PM and those that follow..This site is dedicated to the positive memory of Gerald Dean only! I have deleted that comment and encourage you to share about Gerald and your relationship with him.
Peace and Blessings....Debbie
What can I say?
I did a search on Google on Gerald's name, as I usually did every year. Unfortunately, this time I was successful - which I haven't been the years before.
My name is Boris and I'm from Stuttgart, Germany.
I met Gerald at the beginning of my twenties, somewhen around 1991 in Stuttgart. And even though we met each other only a few times, he left an incredible impression. I haven't met anyone so strong, gentle and warm-hearted before. There was something about and around him - like a glow or a golden shine. Well ... that's at least my impression.
Unfortunately, Gerald and I lost contact in 1992.
Beginning of 1993, I met my lifetime partner, Thorsten.
A few years later (must have been around 1996), we were talking about very special people we've met before we met each other.
Of course, my memories of Gerald popped into my mind and I had the idea of getting in touch with him and introduce him to my partner. I started a little investigation and was able to find out that Gerald moved to Schwetzingen (near Heidelberg). So I called him and surprisingly he remembered me. I told him about my idea, introducing my partner to him. He agreed spontaneously. So shortly after the phone call, my partner and I visited Gerald in his new home in Schwetzingen. When meeting him again, the chemistry was like we never lost contact. And my partner had the same impression of Gerald, as I had when meeting him the first time.
We started visiting each other regularly and a wonderful friendship developed.
I remember the last time I saw Gerald very well. He was visiting us in Stuttgart and told us about his new job and the move to Chicago. We were happy and sad at the same time. Happy for him, because he was about to change his life for better and sad for the distance between us.
As far as I remember, he moved to Chicago and from there into a new home about a year later. The last time we heard from him was a letter with a picture of him and his new home. Must have been around 2001, but I'm not sure about that.
Since then I've been searching for him on the Internet.
Thank you very much for putting up this site for this wonderful and special man.
Boris Hasler, Stuttgart, Germany
(Gerald knew me as Boris Kühne)
Repost from Sept 15, 2008
Gerald was a friend of mine in Massachusetts from many years ago. I am deeply saddened to hear of his passing. I have fond memories of his singing, dancing, cooking. As a matter of act, we made the front page of the Salem News in 1976. We were dancing at the "Witch's Ball" and our picture was snapped and made the next day's news of the event. He shall remain a loving friend in my heart.....Billie McGregor, Salem, MA
Today marks 2 years since we last spoke
You left me peaceful memories,
our love is still my guide,
And though I cannot see you,
you are always at my side.
Although our link our chain seems broken,
and nothing seems / is the same,
God has called us one by one,
I miss you so much, my dear uncle
I miss talking with you
I miss your laugh
I miss the look you’d give me the way only you could
when we sit and talk
But most of all, I just miss U
Until we meet again for our chain will link again.
Your AC
After four years, I'm missing you as much as ever. I'm so blessed to have known you. Until we meet again.......
Camellia
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